One of my favorite grammatical shortcuts is the …
You’ll find it regularly in my blog
posts. It’s one way to let the story end
itself and give the reader latitude to write their own script and add their own
twists. I only wish there was a way that
… could be deployed in real life.
You see, I’m a bit of a control freak. Some would say that’s a bit like calling the
Pope a bit Catholic. Ok, so I like
control. Don’t most people? See, my defense mechanism is already kicking
in. But that’s why I struggle with terms
like fate and faith – and destiny. The
idea that something greater than me is at work.
I’m getting reacquainted with God for lots of reasons,
really. The first is that this is one of
the biggest regrets Holly and I have as parents of our children. That we didn’t expose them enough to God,
religion and church. So we’re trying to
make up for lost ground. Another reason
is that we have fallen on challenging times.
With the loss of our primary income it’s put a lot of strain on the
family. Not outward strain, internal
strain. It’s a well known fact that
people show more religious tendencies when going through challenging
times. Poor people are more religious
than the rich, unemployed more than the employed, and broken families more than
stable ones. You get the point. And one final reason for getting closer to
God is I’m getting older. Not old mind
you, but older. Not wiser either, just
older. I don’t feel infallible anymore.
So back to the point I’ve thought more about my purpose in
life in the last six months than I have in the last two decades. And I’m no closer to the answer. Frustrating as I so badly want to know my
purpose and just get on with it.
Regardless of how humbling or challenging my purpose might be I just
want to know. That’s the crazy thing
about fate, faith and destiny. God knows
it but you don’t. You may think you do
and then something happens. Something
big. And you find yourself wandering and
questioning why you are lost once again.
Well I’m getting too old for this shit.
But that’s God’s way, or so I’ve been told. Open your heart, open your mind, and let him
guide and direct you. Don’t become
inanimate, but don’t fight it either.
There is a reason for the struggle, a reason for the strife, and you
will come out of it stronger.
I’m trying real hard to put my faith in God. I do believe in him, that he has already
written my book and I’m simply turning the pages. Trying to write my own script, my own ending.
I’ve learned a lot over the past six months and yet I feel I
now know less than I did before. Less
confident, not nearly as bold. But maybe
that’s what He wanted.
Until my purpose becomes clear, I’m just going to keep
reading …
