Below is the discussion in which we were engaged stemming from an email Sheila and I received from a youth soccer program leader. Enjoy!
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From: Jon Cook
Subject: Information for Parents
ISC Academy Soccer Parents,
I have attached a 2 page document that I have put together for parents to read that I hope will help give you some guidelines as to what realistic expectations should be for your kids with soccer at this age. Most of you are returning parents so you have read this before, so I will summarize the purpose of this e-mail.
Most good directors of any sports program for kids 4-6 year of age are going to tell the parents in the program to keep things positive, let the kids play without parental coaching, and be patient and realistic with your expectations with your kids.
These are all things that I 100% agree with. However, just telling parents to be positive and patient sometimes just doesn't work with all parents. Therefore, what I really am trying to do is to give some more concrete reasons as to why you should be patient and what you should be patient about in terms of what a typical 4-6 year old can do on the soccer field. In putting together a summary of what realistic expectations are for the 4-6 year old soccer player, I have tried to come at this from two ways.
First, I have a wealth of experience with coaching kids at this age. I have run the ISC for the past 16 years. We run the Academy in the fall and spring every year. This is the 32nd Academy that I have been in charge of for the ISC. Moreover, I don't simply oversee the program and communicate with parents, I am at all of the practices with one of the age groups each season. Therefore, I have seen first hand what most kids can and cannot do at this age. I have also seen the frustration in parents who expect their 4-6 year old to play at a level that is simply beyond what even the most talented and advanced kids at this age typically are capable of. By putting together a brief overview of the limitations 4-6 year olds have in regard to soccer, I hope parents will be able to let their kids play and give them the freedom to make mistakes, have fun, and enjoy their time without feeling like they are letting their parents down in any way.
Second, I have tried to draw not only from my own experiences coaching but also from research in other areas. There are a number of people with the United States Soccer Federation that have applied the insight of educational experts regarding the stages of cognitive development to how those factors affect how kids play sports at the youngest ages. I find this fascinating to see how research related to the stages of cognitive development can help influence how to set realistic guidelines for kids in sports. This is important because if we have realistic guidelines for kids, we make sports more fun for kids and we keep kids active and healthy for many years to come. While this research is certainly not exhaustive on the part of US Soccer and definitely not on my part, some of these insights can be very helpful.
If you get nothing else from this e-mail, please adhere to my request to refrain from parent coaching at practices. It is expected that parents stay at practice for kids at this age, but we want you to let the kids play without providing critique or instructions. It's likely that you have played or even have a lot of soccer knowledge to impart with your child. However, that's not the point. Let this be something that your son or daughter does on their own with your unconditional support. I highly encourage you to read the article from the link below. Based on the surveys taken from former athletes, what kids really want to hear you say when practice is over, has nothing to do with reliving the mistakes or plays in the game or giving them more advice, the kids want to hear you say "I love to watch you play."
http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent
Thanks and I hope you have a great season watching your child play and I hope your child has fun at the Academy tomorrow night.
Jon Cook
ISC Coaching Director
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Guys,
I thought you both would find this email and document interesting as it pertains to a topic we’ve discussed on and off over time: youth sports. Sasha did “rec” soccer last year and this year she is doing “club”. It isn’t really a club in terms of amplified competitiveness, rather focused on conscious instruction v. a free for all we’ve experienced in muni rec leagues. We were referred to this group from another family we know whose kids have enjoyed ISC.
Brad
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Wow, I'm a bad parent in this respect. I/we (Holly and I) resemble the bad more than the good. I'm forwarding this to Holly to read as well.
Thanks for sharing Brad.
Ed
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I wouldn't beat yourself up too much Ed. I think the most interesting part for me is that someone is actually taking the cognitive development level of the kids into consideration and adjusting the coaching style appropriately.
Thanks for humoring me by the way. Whenever I try to add anything to a parenting discussion I usually get dirty looks. I realize that most of this is "theory" to me. You guys know way better than I do.
Having said that, I'm one of those people that want to roll my eyes when I hear a parent trying to reason with a 3-year-old, trying to get them to understand second and third level effects of their actions. Oddly enough when of the most valuable things that I remember from my two years at MBI in Chicago was my course on educational development. We talked at length about the learning styles required for different stages of cognitive development.
So, back to soccer. It totally makes sense to me and sounds like a great idea. And then there's the ACTUAL watching on the sideline and keeping your mouth shut. I can only imagine that it's easier to say than do for most parents.
I like the tone of it all, which is making it enjoyable for the kids so that they stick with it for the long haul. You've heard my rant on that too many times so I'll just stop right there.
You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but moving from rec to club, I'm curious what the difference is in the monetary investment.
Interesting stuff for sure.
Marc
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I echo what Marc said, I don’t think this should be a reflection on you Ed. I think the real key here is how detailed and proactive they are about articulating both the expectations for parents as well as their background and approach to teaching kids at this age. The expectation setting is so good here and I think it is a huge disservice to parents not to take this approach. I think there are two aspects of their model I find interesting:
First, I doubt most youth program leaders are this detailed in their understanding of youth development. I assume the overwhelming majority are either parents with some background in the sport or college kids doing a part time or summer job. While the parental volunteerism is admirable and the lack of experience of a college kid is understandable, it inevitably leads to a gap between the expectations of a child and their parents compared to the outcomes provided by the program.
Second, I think many youth sports programs are communicating, and it is articulated generally that bad parental behavior is not desired. But what specific direction is actually given to parents? The universe of poor parental behavior would be much smaller (although not eliminated) if every coach/leader/league clearly set expectations for parents and was explicit about communicating those expectations. Also, and for me this is really impactful, the detail behind the request and how harmful undesired behavior can be on the child, their development, and their enjoyment. How many parents would still actively model poor behaviors if they knew they would have this impact on their children? It would be very small, although once again probably not eliminated.
The last piece I think this allows is for parents who are looking for a different approach to select away from this club. If they want their children to be in a more competitive situation at this stage I’m sure they can find it. And this proactive information gives that parent the knowledge they need to make that decision if they feel it best for them.
To be realistic, the ISC develops into a traditional and competitive club team. If you look at their website and read about the U12-18 programs, they are clear (and unapologetic) that they are year round and competitive. So I don’t want to paint the picture otherwise. But similarly, they are very explicit in terms of their approach and model which gives parents the correct expectation and the information they need to opt out if that isn’t for them. The expectation setting is admirable and very appreciated by this parent.
Marc, in terms of expense, it is more expensive but not burdensome. Perhaps $50-$75 more for a season. Once again, when you get to the competitive levels it is $1,000+ for fees and gear. That doesn’t account for travel expenses. But the girls are 4 and 6 so we aren’t there yet.
Brad
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