Marc: More on God and Farming

Brad, I thought you brought up some good points. A couple of my mine...

The idea of work suffering or family suffering makes sense to me. It sounds good to say that neither has to suffer, but if you live in a realistic world where you have limited time (there are only 24 hours in a day), at some point you have to make priority choices. I think I understand where you are coming from, Brad, but I think you are associating the word suffer with negative implications, in the sense of either work being "bad" or family being "bad". But I think that Donald Miller meant suffering more in the context of potential. There is always more that I could do at work. And there is also always more that I can do for family relationships. In other words, we all have limited resources to spend (time, energy, emotion) and I have to choose where to spend them. I don't think your analogy of switching from AEGON really fits here, because you didn't do it knowing that it was LESS of a career opportunity, but exactly the opposite; it provided more potential. I'm not sure if I'm verbalizing this well or not. From a personal example, I "volunteered" to go to Iraq. To be honest, there is a good possibly that I could have weasled my way out of that deployment. There were other people on the "short list" that may have been chosen to go, but I volunteered to take the bullet before the leadership had to make a "command" decision. I weighed the pros and cons of going, and the pros were all purely career related, with the exception of increased income for half a year. I will never know if I made the right choice, especially if I'm never promoted again. Being separated from my wife was extremely difficult, so I feel like I made a choice in which my family suffered. If I somehow managed to avoid deploying, there is no doubt that my career would suffer (although my chances of promotion are slim based on limited openings, I would probably not even be considered had I not deployed to Middle East). All that to say that I think most people know that they could make conscious choices to be with family more knowing that their career prospects would suffer because of it. The Navy has taken great strides in the past 20 years to try to make families feel like they are as much a part of the Navy as the active duty member. That's because they know that often if a Sailor has to choose between the Navy and family, he's going to choose family, and they are going to lose a trained Sailor. Check out this article about GenX dads choosing family over work.

Donald Miller says to plow he field that God gives you and to stop measuring your crops. From a business perspective, I agree with your comments Brad. But I think Miller is addressing a spiritual issue here that is pretty hotly debated. I'm certainly no expert, but having had some Bible college and seminary I've heard it discussed at length several times. It's the issue of God's blessings, and what God expects of each person. One camp will say that God has gifted every single person in a special way, and because of that every person should be doing something spectacular, they should be a superstar at something. It very quickly turns into a health and welfare gospel, where God wants you to be wealthy. Okay, I AM bringing this around, believe it or not. In the spiritual realm, you have to be very careful with measurement. If you use a business-like measurement in dealing with spirituality, you end up looking at things that are quantifiable, like new people joining the church, people coming forward during the invitation, youth attending the youth group, etc. And God doesn't always work by numbers. Does a pastor who labors in the same church in the same small town for 35 years with a congregation that never tops 105 not have the blessing of God? Should he move on? If he has the opportunity to move to a "megachurch" in a larger town with a congregation of 7500 does that mean that he should? So I think that is the point Miller is trying to making about measuring your crops. Measuring usually equates to a "worldy" (if you will) standard, and God doesn't work by "worldly" standards, so quit measuring. I just finished a book called Messy Spirituality in which the pastor somewhat jokingly talks about how his church "grew" from 100 to 30 people. That's because he was plowing the field that God gave him and doing it in the manner God was leading him to. Had he used a typical measurement, he may have abandoned what he was doing, leaving the field that God had given him.

Maybe this is semantics, I don't know. I have a suspicion that your response, Brad, will be that you still need to measure, but you just need to identify what the crop is and how you're going to measure it. From a purely spiritual perspective, it does get messy. God's blessing looks different to different people. Some people who feel themselves the most blessed look to the average person to be suffering greatly.

Eh, I'm close to jettisoning this whole post because I don't feel that I'm making my point very well. I just have random thoughts rolling around. Not every field is a big one. Being a good steward of a small field doesn't automatically mean you'll get a bigger field. I think the idea of always looking for bigger and better fields causes a lot of discontent. I think Miller is saying to be content with what you've been given. Things take time. Be diligent with what you have, keep plowing, and you won't starve.

I'm rambling. Enough.

Brad on God and farming

This is indeed a thought provoking commentary and a topic that has a permanent reservation in my consciousness. A couple of my interpretations:

• In life, your family is going to suffer or your work is going to suffer, so choose. I disagree completely. Career and family is not a zero sum game. All too often one comes at the expense of the other, but that is a choice and not a mandatory outcome. It boils down to what you consider “suffering” or a sacrifice. 14 months ago leaving a great job at AEGON, a fantastic employer and reputable and significant financial services company, to work for a startup in healthcare was by someone’s yardstick a setback in my career prestige or pay. But I didn’t view that as a sacrifice, rather an incredible opportunity to have an even better balance of family and career.

• Plow the field God gave you. In concept I agree. Yet, it is easy to use this idea to avoid the difficult fields God gave you to plow. Choosing a path of least resistance is not synonymous with plowing the field God gave you. I have avoided difficult situations in my life under the facade of not being my field to plow, which ended up being big mistakes that hurt me and my family.

• Consistency and faithfulness. Discipline is a lost art. People don’t run marathons not because they can’t, but because they don’t have the discipline to commit to training over an extended period (6-12 months). Extrapolate that to lifetime goals and commitment…

• Stop measuring your crops. I could not disagree more. Measuring so you can go into town and tell everyone about the height of your corn is completely different than measuring so you know if what you are doing is having the desired impact. How can you possibly know if you are doing what you set out to achieve without a barometer of your impact? You should always measure your crops, you just don’t have to build a big bright scoreboard on which to advertise those measurements.

God and Farming

I'm totally stealing this one, but I thought it was really good and I'm curious what your thoughts are about the idea of farming your plot. This is a blog that I follow because he's one of my favorite authors.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Marc on Sentiment and Poetry

I'll start by saying that the delay in response to your post, Ed, has been somewhat intentional. Your post caused a lot of discussion, thinking, and more discussion around this house. This is a tough one, and I've had more than one person tell me that maybe I just shouldn't respond at all, but I think that would defeat the purpose of why we created this blog in the first place.

The reason this is a "tough" response to write is because of the content. Specifically, we're talking about our Grandpa who is no longer with us. I don't want to be the person that attacks, belittles, or criticizes someone who is no longer with us, so I will do my best to avoid that. But at the same time, I think I need to respond to some of your comments.

I was younger than you so you probably have a few more memories of Grandpa than I do. I don't have a lot of them, but many of them are good ones. I remember him taking us fishing often, staying at the trailer at New Delhi, and riding in his van with the "whoopty" whistle. I was pretty young when all that happened, but they were a lot of fun. I still think of him every time I pass a cemetary. Not because he has passed away, but because of a joke that he always told us. I've told it to several people myself.

Grandpa: How many dead people are in the cemetary?
All the cousins: 500? 300? 1000? 7 billion?
Grandpa: All of 'em. :-)

I know that Grandpa did some great things in his life. He served his country in the United States Navy, was married to the same woman until his death, and managed to provide for seven children. That is admirable! Unfortunately, most of my later memories of Grandpa are not the greatest. I don't know if he dealt with it his entire life, but in most of the years that I knew him he was losing a battle with alcoholism.

You mentioned your admiration of Grandpa's character. What does it mean to have character? I gather by your definition, Ed, that character is sticking to your guns, regardless of what it is and not letting others influence you. If that's a fair definition then yes, I would have to agree that Grandpa was a man of great character. But to me, character has a deeper meaning, a layer of context in which there is a moral or ethical quality to it. To put it another way, if I'm going to say that a person has character, I need to specify the moral or ethical quality of it. Is it good character, bad character, or so-so character? And more importantly, our character impacts other people. If bad character negatively impacts the people that we love, then maintaining that character at all cost and refusing to change isn't admirable to me at all.

This is really hard to write for me, because I wasn't even at Grandpa's funeral. I was at school in Monterey and Grandma told me not to come home early (I was going to be home about a week later). Definitely not an easy topic.

People aren't going to say bad things about somebody at their funeral. I certainly wouldn't. We all have flaws, every single one of us. And when I die, people will more than likely try to put a positive spin on my flaws. Pointing out mistakes, flaws, or challenges that a person may have had at their funeral doesn't help the living to mourn and continue to live their own lives. Part of the mourning process is reminding people of the positive traits and the positive things about a person's life. And I'm sure that's what they did at Grandpa's funeral, specifically in regards to the two poems that you cited Ed.

I have to be honest and say that I don't really agree with "The Guy in the Glass". I understand the sentiment, but I don't think it is stated well. "He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest..." sounds like it could be a definition for "selfishness" in the dictionary. I fully support honesty and integrity with yourself. But not selfishness at the cost of others. I think at the end of the day when you look in the mirror you have to honestly ask yourself if the things that you are doing "for yourself" are hurting the people that you claim to love. Don't get me wrong, everyone makes mistakes. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is demanding that "this is who I am" or "this is who I want to be" at the cost of others. "The Station" made a little more sense to me because it conveys the message that we should live for today, to live and to love as we go through life. But again, live and love for what? Selfishly? Without regard for the people on the journey with us? Surely that it not the point. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3 NIV)

As you guys know, I've been going through Mom and Dad's photo albums and scanning the pictures so that we'll all have access to them. I am getting so much joy out of seeing our childhoods lived out on the film in the presence of so much family. Every birthday and holiday picture I've seen we're surrounded by family like Jane, Brian, Phil, Doug, Brenda, Jacquie and Earl, the Purdys, the Wittes, Grandma and Grandpa Strempke, etc., and Grandma Birchard. The person missing in almost all of those pictures is Grandpa Birchard. And it saddens me. I know that he had a terrible addiction, which is the saddest part.

Ed, you said that one of the things that you appreciated and could take from Grandpa's life was that he always made time for the things that were most important to him. I guess I just wish that one of those things was spending time with family so that we had a few more memories with Grandpa Birchard in them.

Rest in peace Grandpa.

Must Read - Stones into Schools

I just finished reading Stones Into Schools by Greg Mortenson, the follow up to his national bestseller Three Cups of Tea (43 weeks at #1). It is an incredible book and one I would recommend to everyone. His story begins after failing in an attempt to summit K2, Mortenson stumbled lost and sick into the village of Korphe in Northern Pakistan. After being nursed back to health by the village people, he promised to build a school there for their children. 16 years later his organization, Central Asia Institute (CAI), has built and funded over 150 schools in the most remote areas of Pakistan and Afganistan with a focus on the education of girls. Mortenson is now recognized as an expert in the region and is one of the only Americans that is able to travel freely throughout this dangerous land. Hated by the Taliban, he is beloved by the people in these two desperate countries. CAI continues to expand their network of educational institutions and believes this education is the most effective way to combat the violent teachings of the Taliban and their jihad against western culture as well as raising these populations from abject poverty.

I believe there are two critical lessons from Mortenson's experiences:
1. Ignorance is the more destructive and limiting than any idealogy. Islam is a religion of peace. The Taliban espouse a convoluted interpretation of this religion and despise the CAI's efforts to educate the general population especially girls. Even the most basic level of education drastically reduces the chance someone will join a terrorist organization such as the Taliban. I think ignorance, particularly in regards to religion, is also a primary source of intolerance in the US.

2. Intolerance of alternative opinions is unacceptable and destructive. Regardless of the idealogy of your choice, intolerance of alternative idealogies is at best unfortunate and at worst destructive. Mortenson's work has proven how willingness to understand other idealogies, in his case the religion of Islam and the innerworkings of the tribal culture of central Asia, can lead to incredibly positive outcomes.

I have condensed these books immensely and there is much to learn from Mortenson's experiences. I think everyone should read these books, follow and support the work of Greg Mortenson and the CAI. Their work is the future of peace in our world.

Re: Saints or Colts??

I always root for the AFC, being the Steelers fan that I am, so I'm rooting for the Colts.

Let's hope I'm wrong, but I'm having this weird feeling that Peyton is going to get hurt at some point and have to go out and the Saints will win by four points.

Go Steelers (next year)!

Sentiment, Poetry and Writing - Sounds like me huh?!

Related to character traits, personality styles, and the like, most people who I know personally or professionally would NOT describe me to be a sentimental person. This is probably the case because of my willingness (sometimes eagerness) to blaze a new trail directly through, over or around more traditional paths.

Suffice it to say, my follower instincts aren't very developed. But I do appreciate sentiment, in small and appropriate doses. And one of the past events and people in my life that I've always carried a great deal of sentiment from is my grandfather, Jason Birchard. It was the first funeral of an immediate family member that I can recall attending, and it had a big impact on me.

Just a few words about my grandfather, Jason Birchard. I want to qualify everything I say here in advance by saying that I didn't know him all that well. But I did have a pretty developed impression of who Grandpa was. Others who knew him better may clearly disagree, or have wildly different views of him. But for me, this was "the truth" in terms of how I saw him.

Grandpa was a man with more character than you could imagine. It oozed out of him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But I always knew him as someone who was uncompromising in being as he chose to be - himself. Very little outside influence dictated his outward and obvious character traits. And that came at a detriment to his closest relationships several times. But what I admired about Grandpa was the depth and strength of his character, and how unweilding he was NOT to let others change him. If he didn't want to change, he didn't.

Now, maybe he should have changed more than he did (almost certainly in hindsight), for the sake of others and his relationship with them. But I'm looking at the bright side of him, the 'glass is half full' side of how I perceived him.

The only reason I bring Grandpa up is because his life was defined in two poems that I was introduced to when they were read at his funeral. He died prematurely, and because of his unwillingness to change. "The Man in the Mirror" (actually called "The Guy in the Glass") and "Stations".

Here are the links (how do I embed these nicely?)

http://www.theguyintheglass.com/
http://www.thestationessay.com/

These two poems had a strong influence on me. One, they were read during a very impressionable time and place in my life. At Grandpa's funeral (I've been fortunate that I haven't attended many in my life) and at a time when I first began contemplating life in a more broad and wholistic view, something not easily accomplished when you have more of your life in front of you than behind you.

I love these two poems, and hope you do to. They both put life in a perspective that should be more conscious to all of us than ends up being the case. Most of us (including me) scurry through life worried about trivial things, things that don't matter when it all comes down to it.

I believe my Grandpa Birchard knew what was important to him in his life, and he always made time for those things. That was a harsh reality for those closest to him, but it was one of the things I saw in him that I can appreciate and take from his life.

I hope these poems strike a chord with everyone who reads them. Because of Grandpa Birchard, they've struck a particularly sentimental chord for me.

Re: Saints or Colts?

I'm rooting and betting on the Colts. The Saints have the sentimental vote, the underdog vote, and an underestimated defense and offense. However, who can bet against Manning? Not me ... My prediction is the Colts in a shootout! At least I hope so.

SAINTS OR COLTS?

I'm rooting for the Colts, but only because of the Hawkeye players. As opposed to most super bowls where there is a villian or someone to root against, this year I am fine with either team winning.

Who Dat think they can beat dem Saints? That'd be Payton and the Colts.

Brad on Man in the Mirror

Oh, I'm goin' there...

I'm definitely of the bred v. born mentality. I believe knowing yourself is one of the most critical factors for positive professional or personal relationships. This creates professional or personal success, however you measure each. Everyone knows their strengths right? You ask a person, "Why should I hire you?" and they can go on for as long as necessry to tell you all the reasons why they are awesome. Yet I find a surpisingly small number can answer the question "What's my biggest risk in hiring you?" or "What do you suck at?" By the way, "I'm a perfectionist" is the absolutely worst answer you can give. Other terrible answers include "I'm too hard on myself" or "I expect too much of myself". Know your strengths, fine. Know your weaknesses, critical.

Now if you truly know yourself and your weaknesses, the most straightforward way to be abetter friend, father, husband, or being more valuable to your employer is to improve upon those weaknesses. "That's the way I am" has never worked for me as an excuse for poor behavior (believe me I've tried it). I had more hard conversations with mentors early in my career than I'd care to admit about my tendency towards a short fuse. Besides the professional setbacks, my temper continually damaged the most important personal relationships I had. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Anger is seldom without a reason, but seldom with a good one." I've learned and now believe, slowly and painfully I might add, that there is virtually nothing I can't change about myself including my temper. Its still there, but you have to push the button a lot harder or a lot longer to see it. Beyond that specific example, I may choose not to change because I value some particular personality trait, but that is a conscious decision and one that I control.

As a collector and lover of quotes, this one is particularly relevant about facing yourself in the mirror and making changes:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' you must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Looking at yourself and being honest about your shortcomings is one of the hardest things I've done, but also one of my proudest accomplishments and one that has paid dividends personally and professionally.

Marc on Man in the Mirror

I'm sure that I haven't done as many assessments as you have, Ed, but I have done a few like the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Although we don't spend a lot of time on this kind of thing in the Navy, we do touch on them during our leadership training continuum.

As a Navy leadership training continuum facilitator from 2001 - 2003 I used to do the MBTI with my students as well as a tool to measure decision making tendencies (I love the Vroom decision-making model). But I was very cautious in talking about the APPLICATION of these tools. There are a couple of directions, neither of them preferable, that you an go in with tools like this. First, you can say, "Wow, that's interesting," and then ignore all of it. Second, you can say, "Wow, I'm like that? That's bad. I need to change that."

But Ed hit the nail on the head. These assessments are meant to help your self-awareness. I'm not saying that no one should ever to change. I'll avoid a foray into the virtues of continual self-improvement, since I don't think that any of us would argue against that concept. Self awareness is about knowing your own strengths and weaknesses, tendencies and aversions. When you know, for example, that you have a tendency make decisions authoritatively, but a group decision making style is more appropriate to the current situation, then you can pause, check your tendency due to your AWARENESS of it, and choose the best method.

So I agree, awareness is the key. Now let's talk about human relations.

Here's one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books (Wind, Sand, and Stars by Antoine De Saint-Exupery): "We forget that there is no hope of joy except in human relations. If I summon up those memories that have left with me an enduring savor, if I draw up the balance sheet of the hours in my life that have truly counted, surely I find only those that no wealth could have procured me. True riches cannot be bought... it is not money that can procure for us that new vision of the world won through hardship - those trees, flowers, women, those treasures made fresh by the dew and color of life which the dawn restores to us, this concert of little things that sustain us and constitute our compensation."

Human relations is what matters!

Emotional intelligence is managing your own emotions, and the thing that brings about the strongest human emotions, the stuff that people write books, music, operas (and blogs) about, is interaction with other humans. I can't think of a business in the world that doesn't involve human interaction. Yes, in any business the numbers are the most important, but it's often the human interaction that can sway a deal one way or another. I'm sitting here watching "In Good Company" and just watched the scene where the advertising agency takes one of their clients to see in concert in their VIP suite. That's really why companies pay for those things. They want to have a strong human relations bond to complement their business deals. There is no business model that can replace it.

I think the best leaders in the world are able to make an emotional connection with people. They understand how important HUMAN relations are to our lives. Some people call it charisma, but that's just a fancy word for human relations.

But forget business. The bigger question is whether or not we are able to recognize our tendencies and aversions and recognize them to improve the human relations that matter most, those with our family and friends.

The Man in the Mirror

For the better part of my 20 years of work experience in HR I've had the "opportunity" to participate in many personality/style/logic/intelligence assessments.

Myers-Briggs, Wilson Learning, Firo-B, Hogan, P-160, 360 assessments - You name it and I've probably taken it. Often such assessments are complimented by professional coaching sessions and team consulting ... or both. I've found most of these assessments to be insightful but must admit that my most recent round of assessments have me in a near "analysis paralysis" state. I've simply got too much feedback and need to limit my commitments to personal self improvement to a more realistic and shorter set of goals.

When feedback is received via these tools, it has been my personal experience to focus on the "opportunities for improvement" and those areas that I can work on to improve my organizational and personal effectiveness. The results always begin by highlighting strengths in a very affirming fashion and then they offer you a broader view inclusive of those challenges that can be a personal source of grief and discouragement. Personal self awareness is key, and these tools advise you in black and white as to how others perceive you, and how that compares to how you view yourself. It takes some very warm and fuzzy concepts (psycho babble as some would say) and translates it into words and recommended actions that can be taken to achieve EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

I always find the results intriguing, and wonder how much of the results are born versus bred. But I'm not going down that diverted path, at least not yet!

I'll be the first to admit that I was skeptical of such results at first, but am now realizing more and more the importance it plays in business and personal success, and influence. Forging strong relationships with others, whether internal or external, boss or subordinate, friend or foe, it crucial to achieving just about anything in this world. The idea of success without these intangible qualities is rare, and becoming more so. Everything these days involves others in some way, shape or form.

Hence, my propensity to consider all businesses PEOPLE businesses. I'm an HR guy so I'm clearly biased in this view. But isn't it the truth?

But are these assessments really the path to greater awareness of the importance of HR, successfully interacting and interfacing with other people? Is it true that that affinity and influence can be tangibly measured, assessed and made scientific? Just answer 20 to 300 questions and BANG ... you have your results and recommendations, that if strictly followed, will translate to greater success in relationships! Sounds like an infomercial for a new diet. Wow, what a concept eh?

Situational awareness and self perception are always two of the keys to achieving success. Know your audience, their preferences, your inclinations, and adjust accordingly.

I'm getting better at these subtle cues, but very incrementally. And it seems this could be something that is a bit of a never ending journey. Because personal improvement is something that doesn't end. Everyone has the ability to get better. Continuous self improvement.

For me, my personal and professional development is a target rich environment, something that will likely keep me challenged for years to come. I don't see most executives as different than me.

So if you are a professional or executive coach, you can look for a long and prosperous future with lots of job security! And better yet, write a book.

Interested in anyone else's thoughts on these insightful, albeit slightly painful displays of human behavior. Fascinating in some ways, downright frightful in others.

What do you think?