Retirement Readiness

Are you ready for retirement?  What's your plan?  When will you retire?  What will you do when you retire?  Do you feel you're on track relative to your plan?

These are all questions that I've challenged others to answer over the past 25 years as an HR professional.  Most of the time the context is a rare discussion with a colleague or friend who I'm close to, and sometimes the context has been in a presentation to employees as they consider the amount they want to put into their 401k account, or other income accumulation vehicle offered by the company.  Either way, I'm probably like most in not thinking about this a lot ... until now. 

A notable few people have a plan and execute against it.  Those few are in most cases quite privileged.  Working closely with financial planners who were carefully monitoring key investment vehicles, the privileged developed a retirement plan largely independent of 'I need the money'.  But again, this was for the privileged few. 

Working class baby boomers tended to have pensions.  These plans set a date for retirement with full benefits and encouraged employees to think about retiring on a specified date.  Social security also played a role.  "I'll have my full pension earned when I'm 62, and will live on that until I start getting social security at 65."  And that was the extent of their planning. 

What about Generation X?  Just read a report that said 67% of Xers are concerned that they are prepared for retirement compared to 49% of Boomers.  Hmmm, could this be because Xers were more individually accountable for their retirement?  They don't have pensions (in most cases) and so they have to rely on their own financial discipline (voluntarily investing in 401k and other investment vehicles) to ensure they are prepared for retirement.  Yep, that's me!

And am I worried about retirement?  You bet!  I don't consider myself to be part of the privileged few (although I had a financial advisor that mostly manages my accumulated 401k account) so when I retire will be largely a financial decision for me.  No financial independence here, unless of course I win the lottery.  And social security won't provide much in terms of an annuity either. 

I've done a decent job of saving for retirement but consider myself to be among the masses when it comes to preparation for retirement as an Xer.  Not prepared and anxious about what my future holds in this regard. 

What about you? 

Emotions

Emotions in the family are running high in my family right now.  It's a fairly typical transition from Summer to Fall, when the kids make the conversion from doing what they want to do, to doing what they need to do.  It's interesting that we train our kids from a young age to take 2 1/2 months off to recharge their batteries in some way, yet seldom if ever get that opportunity to do the same once you grow up.  But that's a different topic all together. 

What's not typical is that Haley is off to college.  Our oldest, our only daughter, and out of the house at least on a FT basis.  While it shouldn't have, the emotion of it all has snuck up on me as a Dad.  She's totally ready, good girl who is bright, capable and will make her own way in this world.  But that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a part of me is leaving with her.  You know, my kids are as much a part of my life as anything.  So her leaving is hard, really hard. 

The gravity of the transition hasn't really set in for her either.  I know it didn't for me at that age either, young adults just don't reflect that much on what's now behind them.  Instead their focus is forward, on what will be new, new independence, new environment, new place, etc.

Not really sure what the point of this post is, and not wanting it to be so cliche as saying "enjoy your kids while they are with you, blink and they'll be gone".  But like most cliches, it's true and if you don't really let it sink in you'll find yourself a bit surprised by what people have been telling you all along. 

Holly gets it.  She's very emotional and understandably so.  She's lives in the moment much more than I do, and more intuitive than I am in that way.  The boys?  Clueless.  Saying they'll miss their sister but in a very shallow way.  Really won't realize it until the Tahoe pulls out of the driveway with Mom, Dad, Haley and lots of her belongings loaded up and headed to Iowa City.  No screaming sister across the hall in her bedroom telling them to be quiet.  No sister driving them to and fro' to wherever they desire, free from the shackles of parents.  Nope, they don't get it yet.  But they will. 

And so will I. 

Haley-Do is ready.  Ready for the next chapter of her life.  And the rest of our family needs to embrace that.  We are, but we'll miss her so much.  We haven't even left yet, and I'm already thinking about when we'll be back to see her, when she'll be back to see us. 

Homecoming.

Who's watching with me?

The NBA conference finals are here.  I'm sure you two NBA fans have been following along, right?  There have been some great series this year already.  In fact, I think the best might be behind us, but I hope not.

The two Clippers series both went to game 7.  They came out of the first round with a win against the defending champs, the Spurs.  Most the the NBA world predicted those two would meet in the conference championships, with a slight majority picking the Clips to win.  That series looked like a conference championship series.  Chris Paul and Blake Griffin are fun to watch.  It's hard to believe that they blew the round two series against the Rockets.  Doc Rivers has the dubious honor of being the guy that has coached TWO of the nine teams that have lost a playoff series after leading 3-1 (he did it with Orlando against Detroit in 2003).  That has to smart a bit.

As much as I don't like Dwight Howard, I find that I love watching the Rockets, primarily because of James Harden.  That guy is a beast.  I don't think a day goes by that the OKC Thunder don't regret letting him go, because they haven't been the same since.  Nobody was talking about the Rockets getting this far early in the season, so it's fun to see a couple of teams make the conference finals that haven't been there for awhile (Rockets 96-97 and Warriors 75-76).  Golden State is just killing it with the Curry/Thompson duo.  Curry is the MVP this year, and I've always liked Steve Kerr, so I'm happy to see him make it as far as he has as a coach.  What's not to like?  But Houston will give them a tough go.  My Western Conference finals prediction is Golden State in 7.  BTW, none of the six Sports Illustrated staffers that wrote playoff predictions at the beginning of the season picked either Golden State or Houston to be in the conference finals.  They were all Spurs, Clips, or OKC.

The Eastern Conference hasn't been quite as compelling for me.  In fact, in my mind, the Western conference is all that really matters.  I can't believe that the Wizards made it as far as they did, and they might have even squeaked into the conference finals had Paul Pierce made a couple of key shots in a couple of games.  I was watching game 5 against the Hawks when he has a WIDE open look at a three to tie it in regulation - he was way off.  You guys know how I feel about him, so I enjoyed it.  I didn't watch game six, but I read that he missed a couple of big shots in that one too.

EVERYONE in the world predicted the Bulls and the Cavaliers in the conference finals.  They were off by one round.  I was a little surprised to see the Cavs get by the Bulls at all, let along in six.  They are the same team they used to be with one star (LeBron) and a bunch of so-so guys.  Even Kevin Love has been a shell of himself this year - just another mediocre player.  The Hawks are playing good basketball right now, and they are the number one seed.  It's kind of interesting that if you look at their roster you'll likely say, "How are these guys so good?"  The Hawks are another team that no one predicted to be here.  Those six SI staffers?  They all had Cavs/Bulls in the conference finals.  I'm not sure how to call this one, but I don't think it matters.  I'll say the Hawks in six.

In the end, Golden State will win the championship in five.  You heard it here first fellas!

As a final NBA-related note, I hardly could find a sports writer on the internet who predicted someone OTHER than LeBron James to win the MVP this year, and he wasn't even really in the conversation.

Bluetooth

Bluetooth is some amazing technology.  Everywhere I look I see people using it for their GoPro cameras and Beats Pills and Bose Soundlink speakers.  Most everyone seems to be pretty comfortable with using bluetooth technology.

Except in the car.

From a cultural perspective, I am fascinated by the outright resistance by the general populace to using bluetooth technology in the car.  Take a look on your drive to work tomorrow, and you’ll notice most people holding their phones up to their ears or worse yet, holding it out in front of their face  (speaker mode).  

A quick check of Amazon and I discovered that you can buy a bluetooth earpiece for as little as $15.  If you’re willing to move up to the $25 range, there are scores of options.  So what’s the rub?  With the cost of phones and cell plans these days, cost cannot be a factor.  WHY do people not use this amazing technology that makes talking on the cell phone in your car easy AND safer?

And even if you don't want to use bluetooth, why not use the earphones that they are wearing 11 hours a day anyway?  Most of them have a microphone built in.

Is there an explanation other than just being too cool to put an earpiece in their ear?  

Ed on Body Maintenance

I wrote an earlier post on my FitBit and must say that it has changed a lot of things in my life based on having it strapped on my wrist. 

First, I'm more accountable to my activity level. It doesn't count steps entirely accurately, but is a good general indication of the amount of movement and activity you enter into each day.  I said that my goal is 10k steps per day.  That was pretty challenging to achieve at first.  Now, I'm making it with relative ease and shoot for a much higher number on my weekend days. 

The FitBit has a friend feature and that gets my competitive juices going.  Yes, I'm friends with a few work colleagues (many of whom are women) and then a few swimming parents and then my racquetball partner.  There is only one person who consistently gets more steps than I do.  I'm averaging between 90k and 100k steps per week and I feel pretty good about that.  10k to 15k per day during the week and 15k - 25k on weekend days.

The FitBit has also adjusted my view of activity.  I don't participate in much rigorous exercise.  But I walk A LOT more.  It has become very typical for me to walk with Holly and Rocky for 45 minutes to an hour almost every evening.  That's good for me, good for Holly, and good for Rocky.  Is that exercise?  I don't know but it can't hurt and I feel good about the statistics it racks up on my FitBit. 

I learned last week that unbeknownst to me, every person in the company that has a FitBit has their results posted on the company intranet.  It was brought to my attention by someone in my team who asked "how do you get in all those steps?"  I asked her how she knew and she directed me to the site.  I've never gone to it before, and didn't know it even existed.  Turns out that of the 126 employees in HQ that have a FitBit that I'm #2.  Behind only the facilities guy who is on his feet all the time.  And against the 1,400 who have a FitBit across the whole company I'm #15.  That gave me the motivation to make sure I maintain the effort I'm putting into getting my steps.  One more fact and then I'll close on this topic.  I wanted to make my 10k goal every day for a month.  The last time I didn't make it was April 6th.  So I made that goal too. 

The FitBit is a great way for you to set goals, track them easily, and achieve them. That's the marvel of these little gadgets, nothing more.  They track sleep patterns as well but I won't go into that.  But I use that feature as well.  The features I don't use are the food plan and the water plan.  Those scare me for different reasons that I won't go into here. 

So as I age suddenly walking as entered my roundhouse in terms of "working out".  It may be a bit premature but it is keeping me focused on maintaining a low impact, moderate exercise routine.  My knee still bothers me occasionally, and I'm still playing racquetball about three times per week.  But other than that and the walking I haven't done much of anything. 

Haven't been on the bike, haven't climbed a fourteener (still in my plans this year) and definitely haven't put on the running shoes.  But I am at a steady and reasonable weight (sure, I would like to be 5-10 pounds lighter) and reasonably happy with the fact that my fitness regimen is reasonable and achievable. 

Have a lowered my expectations?  Perhaps.  Have I acknowledged (not accepted) that I'm getting older.  Yes.  But I've got to do something that manages my mentality about my physical health.  And based on a $100 piece of equipment I have strapped on my wrist I feel I've found it, at least for now. 

Would love you both to get one as well.  Would be fun to benchmark myself against my two healthier and younger brothers!

Re: Body Maintenance

First off, if there is one of us that has been more “in the game” as far as physical fitness it’s you.  You are light years ahead of me in the sense that you’ve reached a point where you want to balance your fitness routine more.  I’m speaking for myself, but at 44 and soon to be 45, my thoughts on fitness have simply been, “Am I doing any kind of fitness or not?”  

Admittedly, one of my difficulties, especially in the past 5-7 years is not really knowing whether or not I hurt because I’m getting older and I’m not in the best shape, or because I’m actually injured in some way.  We’ve had discussions in the past about the mental side of fitness/life, but I’ve conceded to the fact that my age places limits on performance.  The friend that I ride with here in Maryland is always pushing himself to improve and break his personal records.  The guy can hardly stand to have anyone pass us when we’re out riding.  In fact, he usually doesn’t stand it - he takes off, runs them down, and at some point we join up again!  

Hmmm, I’m wandering… what was my point there?  Oh yeah, I guess I look at my fitness in general as maintenance.  I’m not really trying to push myself to see what I might be able to accomplish.

I’m a non-stretcher.  I think the only time I’ve ever stretched is when I have to do it as part of group PT in the Navy.  Called it a mental block, but although I know I should do it, I just don’t.  I’ve thought of trying yoga myself, but never seriously.  Even at most gyms yoga is an extra cost, not something that is included in the normal membership.  So I’ve never considered it seriously enough to lay out any extra money for it.  

Since I’ve never been much of a runner, most of my working out is low impact anyway (primarily on the bike).  I guess MTB makes it slightly more impactful, but not much.  I’d love to get back to swimming at some point - if nothing else it would add some variety.  I did do a 3.6 mile trail run yesterday.  Just like MTB is a different kind of biking, trail running is a different kind of running.  I rolled my left ankle twice and my right ankle once.  Thankfully it wasn't serious.

I have a goal of biking to work twice a week this summer.  I did all the prep work of figuring out the route, renting a locker, and now I just need to pre-stage some clothing and shower stuff.  My guess is it will be about a 60-75 minute ride each way.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Ed, does your work complex, complete with Starbucks, include any kind of workout facilities?  

Body maintenance

After doing the Ironman in 2014, I'm focused on a more well balanced fitness routine for 2015. I am still considering some events for fun, but nothing necessitating the training dedication of 2014. I've been on this journey for 2015, searching out a good balance of working out for good health without the rigor and time demands of a training program.

I have to say that my body isn't liking my new approach, and for the last few months I have felt awful. I'm trying to figure out why. I have maintained a good diversity of exercise over this time between walking, biking, running, swimming, and lifting. I did tweak my knee over the winter, crawling out of a snow cave I made with the girls. That has caused some issues. But on the whole, my issues have been nagging not injury driven. And the result is I just don't feel very good physically, which is very frustrating considering the improvement in my balanced workouts. What is wrong with me!!!

My diet isn't drastically improved, but I have made some strides. One large change is the reduction of alcohol, due to it being so incredibly disruptive to my sleep habits. I'm probably carrying 5-10 pounds I don't need, but am in the range of weight I've been in for several years. Check that one off...

I'm no spring chicken, heading towards my 40th birthday. This leads me to the conclusion that I need to do more maintenance activity than I ever have before due to my age. And that's tough for me. But I have a plan...

1. I am going to try to get back to a two-times-per-day stretching routine. I've typically only stretched during times of high volume exercise, but some of my soreness, in particular in my back, feels like I need to stretch. 10 minutes when I get up and before I go to bed.

2. I will try to focus a larger percentage of my workouts on low impact activity, which for me is swimming and walking.

3. On my 2015 goals was to try yoga and develop a routine. I am hopeful this will provide strength, flexibility, and balance that helps my physical ails as well as the mind/body balance which landed it on my goal list in the first place.

I'm hopeful that this is a temporary state and that my plans improve how I feel. I'm only 39, and while I've used my body aggressively in those years I think I've done a good job taking care of myself. I'm just not anywhere ready to slow down.

Mannerisms

I enjoy studying communication patterns of individuals and picking up their tendencies. Tendencies may include go to phrases or crutch words. Patterns also develop culturally. Culture can be defined by companies, groups of friends, families. Many times sayings or stories are frequently used among a particular group and become specific to their culture. Other tendencies are broader. I wouldn't necessarily call them regional or national, although they could be. They could also be considered a function of the era in which we live.

One item I've increasingly picked up on is people's lack of responding to questions they are asked. Pay attention carefully to someone's response the next time you ask them a question. Do they answer your question? Do they add information beyond answering your question? Do they replace the answer to your question with other information? Do they answer your question with a question?

Motivations can include simplicity for the responder, avoidance of the question, misunderstanding of the question, or a desire to help the questioner. But regardless, the end result is not answering the question that is asked. I find that tendency very curious. Curious both in how frequently and unexpectedly it happens as well as how accustomed we have become to it happening.

2 specific examples of late:

1. I asked Sheila last night what she wanted to do for dinner. She responded by asking what I wanted to do for dinner. When I asked again she shared her plan for what she was fixing for the girls. The third time I asked she offered to make a ravioli dish that we both enjoy. 0-3 on answering my question.

2. Brothers 3 are scheduling a time to catch up on the phone. I asked what works for everyone. Both responded with what didn't work. Not the answer to the question asked.

What does it mean? Not sure.

Is it bad? Sometimes, but not usually.

Is it efficient? Absolutely not.

Solution for the questioner? Ask more effective and specific questions. Ask the questions to which you want an answer, not superfluous or leading questions.

Solution for the responder? Don't assume you know that something else is desired other than the answer to the question. Don't dodge the question, if you are asked then answer.

That is all.

My "Wisconsin is NOT a Cinderella" rant

I have a good friend who was born and raised in Wisconsin.  He is without a doubt the biggest Wisconsin sports fan that I've ever met.  He's a nut.  I went to sea with him last year and we had many Big Ten sports conversations.

When Wisconsin beat Kentucky, he was absolutely gushing.  He talked of it as if Kennedy's Super Valu brought down Costco.  I disagreed, as I mentioned in my earlier Calipari post.  For your amusement, here is the somewhat lengthy text of what I posted about the Badgers on FB in regards to that conversation.

MY FRIEND'S ORIGINAL POST:  38-1. Today the TEAM won over the arguably best collection of individual talent ever assembled. With it's 9 McDonald's All-Americans and a perfect season, Kentucky was everybody's trendy favorite pick. But if you saw anything about Badgers' accomplishments this season, you knew this is a toughest, most hard nosed team our state has ever produced, who BELIEVED in themselves from day one.  And this is why they play the game...  

MARC:  I'm surprised that Wisconsin has managed to take on this underdog persona. Everyone is so amazed that a #1 seed is in the final! They started out the season ranked #3, quickly moved to #2, and were never lower than #6 I think. They have been an absolute powerhouse all season. All due credit for beating Kentucky, but this is NOT the David and Goliath story people are making it out to be. It was a battle of the Giants, and Wisconsin came out on top. I was hoping for an all big ten final, but Duke was just too good for that.

MY FRIEND'S RESPONSE:  As always, when it comes to anything non-Iowa, you are completely WRONG  While it's absolutely true that this Badgers was a well respected team who should have been given more credit for what we have accomplished, Kentucky was making a HISTORIC run that was unparalleled to anything that was accomplished in college since UNLV'S dominance of early 90s. As a matter of fact it was only done 4 times ever. Therefore saying it was a battle of Giants, or equal teams is to diminish Wisconsin ' s accomplishment and magnitude of this victory. They changed history yesterday and took down a team that NUMEROUS people called "unbeatable" and arguably best ever.

MARC:  Mr. Lobanov, this is not NCAA women's basketball where there is a chasm between the number one team and everyone else. Wisconsin began the season ranked NUMBER TWO, RIGHT BEHIND KENTUCKY. Don't kid yourself. They are a NUMBER ONE SEED. If you need to call it "historic" as if Wisconsin is a David and Kentucky was a Goliath - well, hey, whatever helps you sleep at night. Wisconsin lost three frickin' games this year: one to the team they are playing in the national championship game, one by five points, and one by six points to a ranked team. Currently there is a two-game difference between Kentucky and Wisconsin. Whoa, how historic! A three-loss team makes it ALL the way to the national championship! Holy crap!  

Oh, I'm just getting warmed up... Wisconsin played four ranked teams this year. They lost to Duke, who is also a #1 seed and they are playing in the finals. They beat Iowa (ranked #25 at the time, made the round of 32), lost to Maryland (ranked #14 at the time, made the round of 32) and beat Ohio state (ranked #23 at the time, made the round of 32). By the way, both of the wins against Iowa and Ohio State were by 32 and 24 points respectively - we call that getting your ass kicked in Iowa. For Wisconsin you can include TWO regular season wins over MSU, who made the final four by beating the 2, 3, and 4 seeds in their quarter of the bracket, including Louisville, who is one of the ranked teams that Kentucky beat this year (more on that later). Wisconsin also had regular season wins against Georgetown (4 seed, round of 32) and Oklahoma (3 seed, round of 16), and beat UNC in the tournament, who is one of the ranked teams that Kentucky beat this year (yes, there is still more coming!)  

Now let's look at Kentucky... when you start out the season as the #1, unless you lose, it's unlikely you'll ever drop from that spot, right? So yeah, they were #1 all year. They started off the year with a big win over KU (ranked #5 at the time). But then let's look at their other wins over ranked opponents. Texas? They barely squeaked into the tournament with a #11 seed and didn't get out of the first round. UNC? Wisconsin beat them too. Louisville? They beat them in December and only by 8 points. And then two wins against Arkansas? The Razorbacks were a #5 seed and only won their first game of the tournament before bowing out to UNC. Arkansas only played two ranked teams all year (Iowa State and Kentucky) and lost them both. Wow, those were signature wins for Kentucky over those DANGEROUS Razorbacks... not!)

My point is that if you look at the numbers and look at the schedules, Wisconsin is as good a team as Kentucky if not better. You can say "but Kentucky has better players" all day long - it doesn't mean anything. As far as I know, the NBA doesn't give the O'Brien trophy to the team that happens to have the NBA scoring leader or the league MVP. Individual talent doesn't have anything to do with it. Individual talent on the roster doesn't mean that Kentucky was a better TEAM. I'm not trying to take anything away from Wisconsin. In fact, my whole point is that Wisconsin IS an incredible team! It's excellent PR work on behalf of the Badgers that they've somehow convinced the sporting world that David slew the giant again. I would like to know how many people picked Wisconsin and Duke in the final. I bet that it's more than you think. I believe that had Duke played Kentucky in the semifinals, Duke would have beat them. Okay, I have to rest my fingers now.

MY FRIEND'S RESPONSE:  Wow Marc Baldwin. I never thought I would get you to say so many GREAT THINGS about Wisconsin

MARC:  Go Big Ten! (Remember, I'm a true CONFERENCE fan, unlike you)

Youth athletics and parental support - the email chain

Below is the discussion in which we were engaged stemming from an email Sheila and I received from a youth soccer program leader. Enjoy!

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From: Jon Cook
Subject: Information for Parents

ISC Academy Soccer Parents,

I have attached a 2 page document that I have put together for parents to read that I hope will help give you some guidelines as to what realistic expectations should be for your kids with soccer at this age. Most of you are returning parents so you have read this before, so I will summarize the purpose of this e-mail.

Most good directors of any sports program for kids 4-6 year of age are going to tell the parents in the program to keep things positive, let the kids play without parental coaching, and be patient and realistic with your expectations with your kids.

These are all things that I 100% agree with. However, just telling parents to be positive and patient sometimes just doesn't work with all parents. Therefore, what I really am trying to do is to give some more concrete reasons as to why you should be patient and what you should be patient about in terms of what a typical 4-6 year old can do on the soccer field. In putting together a summary of what realistic expectations are for the 4-6 year old soccer player, I have tried to come at this from two ways.

First, I have a wealth of experience with coaching kids at this age. I have run the ISC for the past 16 years. We run the Academy in the fall and spring every year. This is the 32nd Academy that I have been in charge of for the ISC. Moreover, I don't simply oversee the program and communicate with parents, I am at all of the practices with one of the age groups each season. Therefore, I have seen first hand what most kids can and cannot do at this age. I have also seen the frustration in parents who expect their 4-6 year old to play at a level that is simply beyond what even the most talented and advanced kids at this age typically are capable of. By putting together a brief overview of the limitations 4-6 year olds have in regard to soccer, I hope parents will be able to let their kids play and give them the freedom to make mistakes, have fun, and enjoy their time without feeling like they are letting their parents down in any way.

Second, I have tried to draw not only from my own experiences coaching but also from research in other areas. There are a number of people with the United States Soccer Federation that have applied the insight of educational experts regarding the stages of cognitive development to how those factors affect how kids play sports at the youngest ages. I find this fascinating to see how research related to the stages of cognitive development can help influence how to set realistic guidelines for kids in sports. This is important because if we have realistic guidelines for kids, we make sports more fun for kids and we keep kids active and healthy for many years to come. While this research is certainly not exhaustive on the part of US Soccer and definitely not on my part, some of these insights can be very helpful.

If you get nothing else from this e-mail, please adhere to my request to refrain from parent coaching at practices. It is expected that parents stay at practice for kids at this age, but we want you to let the kids play without providing critique or instructions. It's likely that you have played or even have a lot of soccer knowledge to impart with your child. However, that's not the point. Let this be something that your son or daughter does on their own with your unconditional support. I highly encourage you to read the article from the link below. Based on the surveys taken from former athletes, what kids really want to hear you say when practice is over, has nothing to do with reliving the mistakes or plays in the game or giving them more advice, the kids want to hear you say "I love to watch you play."

http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent

Thanks and I hope you have a great season watching your child play and I hope your child has fun at the Academy tomorrow night.

Jon Cook
ISC Coaching Director

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Guys,

I thought you both would find this email and document interesting as it pertains to a topic we’ve discussed on and off over time: youth sports. Sasha did “rec” soccer last year and this year she is doing “club”. It isn’t really a club in terms of amplified competitiveness, rather focused on conscious instruction v. a free for all we’ve experienced in muni rec leagues. We were referred to this group from another family we know whose kids have enjoyed ISC.

Brad

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Wow, I'm a bad parent in this respect. I/we (Holly and I) resemble the bad more than the good. I'm forwarding this to Holly to read as well.

Thanks for sharing Brad.

Ed

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I wouldn't beat yourself up too much Ed. I think the most interesting part for me is that someone is actually taking the cognitive development level of the kids into consideration and adjusting the coaching style appropriately.

Thanks for humoring me by the way. Whenever I try to add anything to a parenting discussion I usually get dirty looks. I realize that most of this is "theory" to me. You guys know way better than I do.

Having said that, I'm one of those people that want to roll my eyes when I hear a parent trying to reason with a 3-year-old, trying to get them to understand second and third level effects of their actions. Oddly enough when of the most valuable things that I remember from my two years at MBI in Chicago was my course on educational development. We talked at length about the learning styles required for different stages of cognitive development.

So, back to soccer. It totally makes sense to me and sounds like a great idea. And then there's the ACTUAL watching on the sideline and keeping your mouth shut. I can only imagine that it's easier to say than do for most parents.

I like the tone of it all, which is making it enjoyable for the kids so that they stick with it for the long haul. You've heard my rant on that too many times so I'll just stop right there.

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but moving from rec to club, I'm curious what the difference is in the monetary investment.

Interesting stuff for sure.

Marc

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I echo what Marc said, I don’t think this should be a reflection on you Ed. I think the real key here is how detailed and proactive they are about articulating both the expectations for parents as well as their background and approach to teaching kids at this age. The expectation setting is so good here and I think it is a huge disservice to parents not to take this approach. I think there are two aspects of their model I find interesting:

First, I doubt most youth program leaders are this detailed in their understanding of youth development. I assume the overwhelming majority are either parents with some background in the sport or college kids doing a part time or summer job. While the parental volunteerism is admirable and the lack of experience of a college kid is understandable, it inevitably leads to a gap between the expectations of a child and their parents compared to the outcomes provided by the program.

Second, I think many youth sports programs are communicating, and it is articulated generally that bad parental behavior is not desired. But what specific direction is actually given to parents? The universe of poor parental behavior would be much smaller (although not eliminated) if every coach/leader/league clearly set expectations for parents and was explicit about communicating those expectations. Also, and for me this is really impactful, the detail behind the request and how harmful undesired behavior can be on the child, their development, and their enjoyment. How many parents would still actively model poor behaviors if they knew they would have this impact on their children? It would be very small, although once again probably not eliminated.

The last piece I think this allows is for parents who are looking for a different approach to select away from this club. If they want their children to be in a more competitive situation at this stage I’m sure they can find it. And this proactive information gives that parent the knowledge they need to make that decision if they feel it best for them.

To be realistic, the ISC develops into a traditional and competitive club team. If you look at their website and read about the U12-18 programs, they are clear (and unapologetic) that they are year round and competitive. So I don’t want to paint the picture otherwise. But similarly, they are very explicit in terms of their approach and model which gives parents the correct expectation and the information they need to opt out if that isn’t for them. The expectation setting is admirable and very appreciated by this parent.

Marc, in terms of expense, it is more expensive but not burdensome. Perhaps $50-$75 more for a season. Once again, when you get to the competitive levels it is $1,000+ for fees and gear. That doesn’t account for travel expenses. But the girls are 4 and 6 so we aren’t there yet.

Brad

The Answer Machine

Nice post on the phone Brad.  I watched the semifinal games last night with a Navy friend that I served with back in Spain from 1990-1992.  Whenever I see him, we naturally reminisce about those days, the days before cell phones and internet.

He and I were on the same watch team and it was a rotation with 12-hour shifts.  One of the things that we talked about last night was how many of those long 12-hour mid shifts we passed by arguing and debating the most innate and stupid things.  Those days were pre-internet and pre-smart phones.  You can't have those kind of debates anymore.  You could pass a lot of time back then by arguing about stuff, because there wasn't really a way to prove who was right.

The "answer machine" has taken away those days.  Back then, if someone said, "Michigan has won more college football national championships than Alabama," there might be a 90-minute debate about which team has won the most.  But now, the minute that question pops up, someone pulls out a phone and has a definitive answer in about 30 seconds.

There is certainly no lack of debate these days, and for some reason I think it tends to be more  emotional.  I am speculating here but I wonder if that is because most of the debating these days is on subjective issues.  If it's objective, we have the answers, so it ends quickly.  Data can be interpreted to say a what you want it to say, so my speculation isn't true across the board obviously, but data interpretation is another topic for another day.  I just finished the book Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking).  Pretty fascinating.

It is somewhat odd to call it a phone.  Actually calling people on our PDA, palm computer, or whatever you choose to call it, is probably the least-used function.  What do you guys use your phone for the most?  Not necessarily in the order of percentage of usage, but I use it to text, email, listen to music, get directions (map function), read (kindle app), play games (Ruzzle and Jump Car), check the weather, track bike rides (Strava app), take pictures, check Yelp reviews, pay for Starbucks, identify birds (iBird Pro app), listen to podcasts, check FB, and oh yeah... I occasionally talk to people on the phone too.

Check out this old clip from Conan O'Brien when the iPhone was first released.  A bit prophetic?

Like him or not...

I should wait a week or two to post this, because I realize he's still the head of the hated and villainized giant carcass that's rotting on the front lawn, but I thought these were valid comments about why guys are leaving college so early to go to the NBA.

Calipari's comments  

I agree with him - there's not much incentive to stay in college.

As a side note, on the one hand, I'm glad that Wisconsin won, because I didn't want a repeat of the Seattle/New England Superbowl where a majority of the country wanted them both to lose.  Plus I generally root for the Big Ten.  It was tough to watch Michigan St. get shellacked last night.

On the other hand, I feel sorry for Duke.  I can't quite figure out how Wisconsin got ahold of Cinderella's tiara, because they are a #1 seed for God's sake!  But no matter, they've managed to take on the underdog persona.  So now Duke is going to have to play the role of the big bad villain.  It's interesting considering that Wisconsin started out the season ranked higher than Duke, and they were side-by-side in the rankings for most of it.  Wisconsin is NOT an underdog, and considering that they just took down undefeated Kentucky, Duke should be playing the part of the underdog, not Wisconsin.  But hey, no one is EVER going to feel sorry for Duke, that's for sure.  They are a perennial college basketball powerhouse.

What is a "phone"?

Phones used to be phones. We still call them phones but could there be a bigger understatement than that? PDA is the distant relative acronym of SUV that is used. I think its time to think a bit more globally.

I'm drawing inspiration from the very young in my life as well as elder statesman. Let's start with Sasha and Kira. Our girls routinely play with fake plastic phones in the back of my car. I listen passively to their creative play. In any given trip in the car they may text with Mommy, watch some videos, look at the weather, find some cool information, and occasionally they talk to somebody. To them, in their creative world their phone is a fix all solution. I think what we carry in our pockets every day is more of a fix all solution than it is a phone.

To the elder-statesman, Dad. He typically refers us to "that pad thing that has all the answers". While typically I snatch up on Ipad we have in our house when he has a burning question that needs answered, it is just as easy to grab my phone from my pocket and instantly have access to that same information. Hey do you know (what/when/where/why/how) (who/what) did (when)? No I don't, but I can find out really quickly. A phone is a solution provider.

I think we take for granted the power and flexibility of the tool we carry in our pockets. Now the challenge becomes using that sizable power for productive endeavors instead of reading Twitter and Facebook feeds all day.

Brad on March Madness

Well, I didn't complete a bracket this year for the first time in at least a decade. Probably good since if I would have the winner would have been Villanova who is already out. Ed, with Duke the only winner in your family remaining it looks like you have the inside track. Bragging rights cometh.

March Madness as a proxy for sports, I probably consume as much sports as I have historically but do so very differently. I am very much a passive fan. I rarely consume sports (mostly watch on TV) without doing something else too, and that something else typically takes precedence. Working on my computer, cooking dinner, other chores around the house. Even when Iowa plays I rarely sit and watch it.

Why? I think a couple things. I'm getting old, and am prioritizing things in a way that diminishes my interest in sports. Also, being a Hawk fan when there are personal and professional implications of a win or loss for our family makes the lens of a fan very different. I don't expect anyone to agree with me or to understand, but passive interest is a protection from the downside implications of a rough football or basketball season.

Brad on LEARNING from Unemployment

There isn't much to add here other than thanks and appreciation for the raw and honest opinion on the topic and lessons. The uninvestigated details of the original post were nicely expanded upon by Marc. Which leaves me with little content other than the title: Learning.

Learning these life lessons forged in the heat of unemployment is definitely the intense version of learning options. But similar to many things, as adults we often lose the ability (or interest) to learn unless a situation "forces" that upon us.

I watch my children learn and it is so beautiful. They do it with light speed, it is seemingly effortless, the volume of learning is staggering, and most importantly they experience pure joy when learning. By comparison, teaching adults even small changes or skills can be met with substantial resistance and monumental struggle.

Which brings me to the punch line: how do we as adults shed the burdens of our daily life that afford us the ability to continue to learn at the same pace and with as much ease as children? That to me may be the keys that unlocks the lessons articulated by Ed but also the joy that comes along with the perspective.

And I'm trying to figure out how entitlement plays into our lack of ability to learn as adults. Anyone got that figured out?

Your Job is not your Identity: the Email chain

Below is our discussion concerning an article that was in Relevant Magazine.  The article is located here if you'd like to read it so that I don't have to repost the entire thing.  Below is the email discussion in the order that it was sent out.

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I thought this was good. I've known a lot of people who's entire identity was wrapped up in being in the Navy, and they hated life when they retired because of it. 

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/your-job-not-your-identity

Marc

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Thanks for sharing Marc.  I was reading this from the lens of a recent conversation I’ve been having with Sheila.  I’ve been very involved in Junior Achievement, currently acting as the exec board chair.  It is a big role and one I enjoy.  However based on what is needed, it feels like my job.  I’m using crisis management, mentoring skills, community advocacy, etc.  Skills I use in my job and generally enjoy, but it doesn’t give me the altruistic feeling that I get from volunteering in a classroom.  So I’m balancing using my skills and having a big impact with the altruism of community service.

Make sense?  Fun conversation over a glass of wine with Sheila.

Brad

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Interesting article, for sure.  

But I have a completely different view than you both.  The article operates on a fundamental premise of choice and privilege, something we as Americans, particularly educated Americans, feel is a God given right.  It's super easy to take the "be fulfilled" route for the top 1% of the population but it doest reflect the majority of the people in the world or their circumstances.  The reality is that the largest percentage of the population (even in America) does what they HAVE to do to support their families and live their lives.  They aren't afforded the opportunity to write or pursue their passions, and take a chance on getting paid for it someday.  Nope, most get up and go to a job they don't particularly enjoy but that pays the bills in the place where they live.

And, many more Americans do what pays the most, to feed the appetite they and there families desire in life.  Look no further than our Father and Mother, did they pursue their passions or did they go out and find the best paying job they could find that supported the life they desired, or the next best alternative.  I know this sounds a little "oh whoa is me" but I just ain't buying the premise of this article except for a sliver of the population in the privileged nation on earth.  I would rather see an article with the premise of quit whining and get your fat lazy ass a job!

Ed  

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Yep we do disagree.  I'm more of a cake and eat it too guy on this topic. Maybe because my interests are congruent with making a living. If canoeing was my passion I'd likely have a different idea about how "the man" (not the Man) has kept me down. 

Happy hump day boys. 

Brad

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Hey guys,

Sorry for the delayed response to your comments on the article.  I could have replied through my phone, but then this 15-minute email on the computer would have taken 45 minutes of pecking on my phone.  I just figured that I would wait.

The reason that this article was good to me was in this summary from the article itself: “If you aren’t going to let your job define you, you have to have a solid identity apart from your job title. You have to be or do something other than your job.”  And I made the comment in reference to Navy friends I’ve had because those were people that had no identity apart from the Navy.  None.  They had “Chief Petty Officer” stickers all over their car, talked of nothing but Navy stuff, introduced themselves to the waitress at Denny’s as “Chief Petty Officer… “, you get the point.  There was no separation of the person and the Navy.  For me personally, I don’t think it’s healthy.  For military people, you HAVE to retire sooner or later.  So when that happens, those people are lost, because they lose their identity.

I don’t necessarily agree that having an identity apart from your work is only for people of privilege.  I think even if you are working 18 hours a day, you can have an identity apart from your work.  I think it’s only natural that your work would be some part of your identity, but not all of it.  You brought up Dad, but I don’t think his identity was wrapped up in his job at all.  He had friends, a wife, kids, lots of family, played softball, went to card club, grew a garden, etc.  I never thought of Dad as having an identity that was “welder at Donaldson’s”.  To me, Dad was so much more than that.  Yes, he was upset when he lost his job, but to the people who knew him, he was still the same Al.  His core identity didn't change. 

Maybe I misread it, but I didn’t get the impression that the writer was saying, “Forgot about a 9 to 5 and just follow your passion.”  Those kinds of articles irritate me too.  I think her whole point was that if your entire identity is wrapped up in your job title, when the job title goes away, well, you’re in for a crisis, and not just because you lost your income.  “Your job should not be your everything. We are all children of God who have a purpose and a meaning on this earth. That is our core identity, and it will never change, no matter our job description.”  

You may disagree, but when I’m no longer in the Navy, most of my core being is going to be the same.  I’m still going to watch birds, listen to old school hip hop, talk shit with my friends, make the case for college athletes to be paid, read books, teach at church, be the only one in the Baldwin clan that doesn’t know the latest Iowa score, take pictures of my cat everyday, and go for walks for the sole purpose of picking up trash.  When I meet new people, I will introduce myself exactly as I do now: “Hi, I’m Marc. Nice to meet you.”  

Lastly, I think the comment is interesting that “They aren't afforded the opportunity to write or pursue their passions.”  It’s interesting to me because Americans LOVE to go to the movies and watch a story about someone who DESPITE THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES pursued their passion.  Cinderella Man, The Greatest Game Ever Played, Rudy, The Pursuit of Happiness, etc.  People that are really passionate about something find a way to do it.  I think we make the mistake as Americans of thinking it has to be grand.  Who doesn’t have time to write?  I’m writing now.  I’m not going to win any Pulitzer Prizes for this email, but I’m writing.  I love to pick up trash.  I don’t have any grand ideas for changing the world by doing it - I just like it.  I don’t care if anyone else cares that I do it or not.  It’s just part of my identity.  And it’s something that won’t be taken away from me if I lose my job.  

Sorry, I feel like I’m just going in circles.  I guess to me it just made sense, because I don’t want my whole identity wrapped up in something that can be taken away from me by someone else.

Maybe writing an email at 11pm wasn’t such a great idea!

Have a good weekend guys.  I really do love hearing your thoughts on this stuff.

Marc